Some people will never be what they think they are
Lord help me be the person my dog thinks I am
There is no greater sin than this; that one with talent blessed, would settle for the good enough when they could have done their best
If you ain't the lead dog your view of life never changes
Short time young and a long time old
A fine is a tax for doing wrong, A tax is a fine for doing good
Never argue with idiots, they just drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat
The early bird might get the worm but the 2nd Rat gets the cheese
Arguing with a person, is like wrestling with a pig. After awhile you realize that the pig enjoys it
Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple
If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs
"Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything." Charles Kuralt
Be wise with speed. A fool at seventy is a fool indeed
The harder I work the luckier I get
If it were easy, everyone would do it
From Maine to Spain, Tucson to Pusan, 3 world fairs, 2 hog callings and a pumpkin thumpin ... I aint never seen anything like that
No matter where you go, there you are
No matter how many times I cut this thing, its still is too short
And I'm the only kid on the block who has one!!! (BIG Smile!)
Oh, your mother-inlaw ... I wouldn't take a millions dollars for her and wouldn't pay a nickel for another one just like her
We were having the "My wife is higher maintenance than your wife" discussion when I said ... Well, married men live longer. His reply, "No they don't, it just seems longer
If at first you don't succeed .... destroy all evidence that you ever tried
I see said the blind man, or is it the smell of gas I hear
Excuses are like armpits, everybody's got them and they stink
All those who want better gas mileage, raise their right foot
Credit cards are to buy things you don't need, With money you don't have, To impress people you don't even like
If my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a streetcar
Sometimes the voices have some pretty good ideas
Count that day lost that you don't learn something
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Always drink upstream of the herd....
Never miss a good chance to shut up
I've never told anyone anything I didn't know already, (so I listen more than I talk)
When Oppernockity Tunes
There's only two things that are infinite, the universe and stupidity, and I'm not real sure about the universe
You can do what you want to do if you want to do it bad enough
Never eat soup in the rain ...... you'll never get done
If it took a nickel to go around the world ....... I couldn't get outta sight
I haven't had that much fun, since watching the pigs eat my brother
Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion - By General Norman Schwartzkopf
I'm so poor I can't even pay attention
He's so tight he doesn't even perspire freely
If at first you don't succeed .... then destroy all evidence you ever tried ........... or just change your definition of success
We are all good at something..... I just happen to be a good bad example
It is a sobering thought to look back at your life and realize where you are heading is a lot closer than where you came from
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. - Albert Einstein
Don't take life too seriously: You'll never get out of it alive...
The greatest obstacle to a life of adventure is the quest for financial security
"There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman ... neither works." - Will Rogers
All you people who think you know everything, are damaging the reputations of us that do
You can hesitate forever
I'll do my thing and you do yours -- and, if by chance we meet each other, it's beautiful. (Fitz Pearl)
"Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore, it's too crowded"- Yogi Berra
This room is so small you have to go outside to change your mind. The faster I go, the behinder I get.
"Man who say it cannot be done should not interrupt man who is doing it." Dr. L.T. Jessen (deceased).
Don't let your mouth write a check your body can't cash.
Never eat more than you can carry.
Eat 'til you're tired, sleep 'til you're hungry.
Good enough for who it's for.
"If it was embarrassing, someone saw it. If it was humiliating, they told everyone they know."
On a more serious note "God only gives challenged children to people who are up to the task."
It it is to be, it is up to me
"I cried because I had no shoes, then I saw the man that had no feet."
"Every day is a good day, some are just better than others"
"Were you born an idiot? Or do you have to work hard at it?"
"Feed a man a fish and he eats for a day, Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime."
"Intelligence is relative, Fill a room with geniuses and half of them will be below average."
Inch by inch, life's a cinch. Yard by yard, life is hard.
I thought about being a procrastinator, but never got around to it.
Be brief, be bright, be gone....
Don't take life so seriously, it isn't permanent
Start out slow and never move any faster
Feed a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll never want to work on Fridays again
Give a man venison(deer meat) feed him for the day, teach him to hunt, and get rid of him for the weekend
That beats anything I ever felt, smelt or stepped in.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
You can't fix STUPID! - Jim White, KMOX Night Time Talk Radio Host
You can't make anything "idiot proof", they're too resourceful!
This too shall pass...
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
OOPS! Don't you just HATE when THAT happens!
"Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks."
"Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."
Do someone a favor & it's your job for life...
No good deed goes unpunished...
"Popularity ends on yearbook day .... but respect lasts forever." --John Bytheway
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts." - Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan
"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely" - Historian Lord Acton (1834-1902)
"The answers "no" unless you ask"
Man makes plans and GOD laughs
There are only three kinds of people in this world Those that can count, and those that can't
Never let your battleship mouth overload your tugboat butt
If he is asking 10, he wants 8. He will take 6, but it's worth 4 so offer him 2
"God helps them that helps themselves---But God help you if I catch you helping yourself to what's mine"
"I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car."
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Any day spent above ground is a good day.
"Pain is inevitable, misery is optional"
the most exhilarating thing in life is to be shot at without success. - SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL
Why is there never enough time to a job right the first time but always enough time to do it over?
Life has no certainty. No promises for the future, no forgiveness for the past.
" People that are good at making excuses are seldom good at anything else "
Talk less, listen more
Old too soon and young too late
Children are meant to be seen, not heard
Figures don't lie but liars can figure
A quiet man may only be thought stupid but one who speaks can soon remove all doubt
No matter where I go there I am
The trouble with the future is that it's here before we're ready for it
DEATH is nature's way of telling you to slow down
Never drive faster than your guardian angels can fly
Sometimes "It's easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission
Winners never quit, quitters never win. Be a winner
Speed kills, drive a Chevy
Speed kills, drive a Ford
Speed kills, drive a Dodge
You ain't learnin' nothin' when you're talkin
If there's no dogs in heaven then I don't want to go there ... Will Rogers
Do unto others as they will do unto you, but do it FIRST
The best defense is a good offense.
You were lookin for work when you came here, right?
Don't let the door hit you in the a.. as you leave
Never fry bacon naked
Whoever has a lot of stuff,of that one much will be expected in doing for others
He's a runner up in an idiot contest
Remember life is sexually transmitted
The older I get the better I was
Honey, ain't nothin there but newly weds and nearly deads
Its better to burp and bear the shame than not to burp and bear the pain.
help yourselves, we're at home and you aught to be
"I never wanted to be a member of any organization that would have me as a member"....Groucho Marx
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken
If the women can't find you handsome, they can at least find you handy. "Red Green"
An environmentalist is someone who already has his place at the lake
We always have time for the things we put first
"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming - "WOW, What a ride!"
"Nothing can be made completely foolproof when you are dealing with truly talented fools."
"How do you get Holy water? -You boil the Hell out of it.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? -Polaroids.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? -A stick.
What do you call Santa's helpers? -Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? -Quatro Sinko.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? -Right where you left him.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? -Because they have big fingers.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive? -Because it scares the dog.
Why did the Pilgrim's pants always fall down? -Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat.
How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? -Either way, somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
Old enough to know better too young too care
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference
A lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
Our credit manager is Helen Waite. If you want to eat on a credit, go to Helen Waite
The best things in life aren't things
When I work, I work hard. When I sit, I sit loose. When I think, I go to sleep.
No matter how beautiful a herd of horses may be, there seems to always be a jackass in it somewhere
Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first, the lessons afterward
Time is what prevents everything from happening at once
There are only 10 kinds of people in the world, Those who understand binary and, Those who don't
Second place is actually first loser
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history with the possible exception of guns and tequila
There is no alternative to being yourself
Not one of us is as good as all of us". Spoken by General Patton to his troops.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day - hit him with a fish and he'll leave you alone.
There are only so many times I can say I'm sorry and still mean it.
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
"I have my principles, and if you don't like them, I have others." Groucho Marx
He can squeeze a nickel so tight the Indian is riding the buffalo.
eat meat and be happy you never see an ugly butcher do you?
Never loan money it causes amnesia
All prayers are answered--just sometimes the answer is "no"
If it ain't broke--don't fix it
I can only please one person per day--today is not your day--tomorrow doesn't look good either.
What can go wrong--will go wrong--when you least expect it
It is what it is
You can't see the forest for the trees
As soon as the rush is over, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown--I worked for it; I owe it to myself; and nobody is going to deprive me of it.
Common sense ain't so common
Life is short, and you're going to be dead a long time. PLAY HARD.
Old age is not for sissies.
He knows which side his bread is buttered on
There are bold sailors and old sailors but no old bold sailors.
The chief cause of failure and unhappiness ...Is -- Trading what we want most.For what we want at the moment.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet
It is said the smart people are the ones with a PhD... However, the real genius out there, is the guy, who figured out a way to get paid to go fishin'
The greatest obstacle to a life of adventure - is the quest for financial security
Don't poke a skunk
The person who graduates in last place in medical school is called ..... Doctor
There's two kinds of people in the world: those who believe there's two kinds of people, and those who don't
Don't ever ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to
All roads lead to where we are
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 rights make a left
The empty gourd rattle,s the loudest
I'm all right, the world's all wrong
In God we trust all others pay cash
Some people are impressed with the importance of their jobs
If you can read this thank a teacher... if you can read this in English thank a veteran
The wonderful thing about family travel: it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind
Sign in a neighborhood tavern we frequented every day: "Free beer, tomorrow" It was there everyday we went in...
If there is a Will, I want to be in it
Try to be the person your dog thinks you are
Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche or Wanderlodge than in a 15 year old Hyundai.
Home is where you park it
He is as proud as a lizard with two tails.
Her cornbread is so good that it will make a rabbit hug a hound dog.
With my luck, when my ship comes in, I'll be at the airport.
He is so skinny he only has one stripe on his pajamas.
This job is about as easy as nailing Jell-O to a wall.
Too blessed to be stressed or depressed
I had one like that but the rear wheels fell off"
"My wife has a birthday suit like that, but hers needs ironing"
"If I get any bigger, my wife is gonna make me wear stripes so she can tell if I'm walking or rolling"
(Wife) "What's on the TV?"
(Husband) "Dust!"
(Doctor) "How exactly did this happen?"
You may be on the right track but you can still get run over if you just sit there.
Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into a jet engine
if you fall from that tree an break your legs, don't come running crying to me
Happiness is wanting what you have.
A bad day of fishing sure beats a good day at work
Her pancakes are so thin they only have one side.
When ask if he were a Jack of all trades, my father would always reply, "I figure I can do a little of what the other fella can do a lot of
Life should not be measured by the number of breaths you take,, but by the moments that take your breath away.
"Do the best you can, as long as you can. When you can't, do the next best thing." - Chuck Yeager
Drive fast take chances
My favorite line in a bar if someone wanted to give me trouble -- Don't let 30 seconds of courage determine how you spend the rest of your life.
"Nothing's impossible, if the budget is high enough!"
"The one thing more abundant in the universe then hydrogen, is stupidity"
When mom was mad at us she used to to say: "I'll beat your butts till your nose bleeds". One day she was so mad at me about something ,she said: "I'll beat your nose till your butt bleeds" She laughed till she cried.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin
So small that you couldn't cuss a cat without getting fur in your mouth
It is better to go thru life wanting something you don't have rather than having something you don't want. Author unknown
If it is not broken, you can count on the lawyers to fix it until it is.
If ain't yours, don't mess with it
You wouldn't worry so much about what people think of you if you realized how little they do
"This is the shortest hike of all our trails. It's perfect for those who don't want to do anything but want to say they did something" - says Zion Tram driver as most all the tourists exited the bus.
H.L. Mencken defined CONSCIENCE as,"that inner voice that warns us some one may be looking."
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
Brother Dave Gardiner, the great Southern Philosopher once said, "What's gonna happen to the Preachers when the devil gets saved"?
If you don't lie you will have less to remember.
"It may not be easy to find peace within yourself, but it's not possible to find it elsewhere."
"We are not here to earn God's love - we're here to spend it."
A friend will bail you out of jail , a good friend will be sitting next to you saying " boy we really screwed up, but wasn't it fun "
Of all the things I've lost , I miss my mind the most
Remember ... It's hard to meditate on amphetamines ... Joe Walsh
"People are born with a certain amount of common sense and if it ain't there, you can't put it."
" A Purple heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it and lucky enough to survive "
I'll do my thing, and you do yours--and if by chance we meet each other, It's beautiful! -- Fitz Perls
Years ago I had a boss who arrived at work about 3 hours late during a snowstorm; he said he had a car accident. I ask him "what happened" ... he replied "It was unfortunately convenient that I ran into the back of a tow truck".
I am busy as a bee in a tar bucket.
All those who want better gas mileage raise their right foot.
I have not seen you since the dead sea was sick.
Don't argue with a man who has a shot gun in his hand.
Any darn fool can make a mistake, It takes a real craftsman to fix it...
...Drive Fast, Take chances, Pass on Curves...
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant..?
I you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from Children"....
Success is built on backbone- not wishbone.
"Life is like an ice-cream cone ... just when you think you got it licked it drips all over you"!
" A good friend will help you move, a really good friend will help you move a body"
Where there is a Will... I want to be in it...
Them things are as scarce as a kid with a bad report card.
"TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself"
Before you judge someone you should walk a mile in their shoes; Then you are a mile away and have their shoes.
'Tis better to remain silent and have people think you're stupid, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.'
Breathing Kills,,
Character is higher than intellect. - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get next.
Verify, then trust
"Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other" - Ronald Reagan
"Give a man a fish, and he can eat for a day... Teach a man to fish, and he can go sit in a boat and drink beer all day..."
This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you son!! (yea right)
My Mom says this, "Pain is inevitable ... Misery is optional." I think that if everyone lived by this, there would be a lot more joy in the world...
"Where there is no sense, there is no feeling"
"I'll put a knot on your head big enough for a calf to suck"(heard that one way too many times).
The last thing I remember Doc, I touched one of those shiny old Chevys
The good lord gave you two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak.
"No plan survives first contact with the enemy." German strategist Helmut von Moltke
"I have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo (Walt Kelly)
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Benjamin Franklin
"Up ahead, there is always a reason for now."
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming
WOW--What a Ride!
"Resistance is Futile" - The Borg
"As you ramble through life, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the donut, and not upon the hole." (In other words, one should see the tangible reality in life, and not just the intangible fantasies.)
"I have a new philosophy. I'm going to dread one day at a time." - Charles Schulz
"He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of Earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction." -- Betty Anderson Stanley
"What are you, stuck on stupid?"
If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas
I've been doing so much, for so long, with so little, that now I can do anything with nothing.
"I better hurry and finish this drink, I think I'm going to pass out!"
Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the older you get the faster it goes......
Success is the ability to make mistakes when no one is looking
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey
"Two roads diverged in a woods, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost
Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance~
Quote:There are bold sailors and old sailors but no old bold sailors.
Quote: You're a Good Man and there aren't many of us left!
Quote:The story goes on..."When my parents reached their 70s, they began to have trouble doing the things they used to do with ease. My father in particular was troubled by a weakened muscular condition that caused his legs to give way without warning. Mom became ever vigilant to see that he hadn't gotten hurt.
One day she looked out the window and there he was, flat on his stomach in the middle of the garden! She rushed out the door: "George! George! Are you all right?" That's when she noticed that he had a trowel in his hand and was weeding. "George!" she cried. "What are you doing?" He looked up and said, "The next best thing."
Ouote: :...Any darn fool can make a mistake, It takes a real craftsman to fix it...
Quote; That's Why Pencils have Erasers!
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!
Quote..."it's better to keep your mouth closed and be thought of as a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"
Loose Lips Sinks Ships!
See if you can figure this one out!! ..... I am twice as old today as you were when I was as old as you are now. When you are as old as I am now, the sum of our ages will be 63. How old are we now?
Bumper sticker on a Pinto race car "Caution: May wreck or explode for no apparent reason"
"Heres a dollar buy a clue"
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed enemy.
Every province in the country puts out such beautiful travel brochures, its a wonder everybody just doesn't stay home. Ya don't learn nuthin by being kicked by a mule twice.
"Let Life be like a Roll of Toilet Paper, LONG AND USEFUL!"
To me fair friend you never can grow old, for as you were, when first your eye, I eye'd, such seems your beauty still. (Shakespeare Sonnet 104)
"A reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:
Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." - Monty Python, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"You want me to spank you?"
"I'm going to stop this car and beat your butts, if you..."
"My dog can make it across the yard in 3 seconds, can you?"
"I'm busier than a one arm man with flies"
"I kind of like this Alzheimer's thing, I keep meeting the same people over again"
"Beware of the dog, nothing beware for the owner and the 357"
"If it can go wrong it will"
"If at 1st you do not succeed, quit."
"If you don't like the weather here, wait 10 minutes"
"Yes, I have Alzheimer's, mixed with senior moments, and am dyslexic, so there is nothing to worry about in my mind"
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door !!
"Anyone who can't hear the difference between wood and concrete must be blind"... Yogi Berra
Wish me what you will. I wish you twice as much! When you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
I'd rather be a participant for a moment than a spectator for a lifetime.
A camping trip that ended up on an unpaved one lane road up a steep mountain in Tennessee:You ain't lost, I know where you are. (Don't you just love those helpful roadsigns!
Ronald Reagan, whom Clark Clifford once famously dubbed an amiable dunce, was not noted for his intellectual brilliance. "I still think Nancy does most of his talking," Robin Williams once declared. "You'll notice that she never drinks water when Ronnie speaks."
If a man says something and no women is around to hear, is he still wrong?
"But if we are to be told by a foreign Power ... what we shall do, and what we shall not do, we have Independence yet to seek, and have contended hitherto for very little" - George Washington
Some people go their whole lives wondering if they have made a difference, Marines don't have that problem -Ronald Reagan
I am not conceited, because conceit is a fault, and I have no faults.
I hate him and everybody what looks like him!
Grow your own dope, plant a man!
"If you lend someone $20 and you never see them again, it was worth every penny of it."
Father to Son: "I know you have some sense because I've never seen you use up any of it."
"If your not part of the solution, your part of the problem."
It's what you learn after you know it all, that counts.
I'd like to help you out .... which way did you come in?
Don't squat with your spurs on..
Too blessed to be stressed or depressed.
Life doesn't begin at 40 if you were doing 60 at 20.
Some people have all their taste in their mouth.
Instead of saying, "(S)He's not playing with a full deck." - try - "(S)He's a couple fries short of a Happy Meal."
Where ever you go there you are.
It's later now then it's ever been
You never know what you don't know
Guess who I saw today? Everyone I saw today
Don't believe everything you think.
(new motto on life after diagnosis with breast cancer) Chemo will either kill you or make you stronger!
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
The problem with the gene pool is, that there is no lifeguard.
"It wouldn't have happened if I wasn't working".
"Old Indian chief say, fellow who drive like hell, bound to get there sooner or later."
"If I can't do it, it can't be done".
Sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the bug.
It doesn't matter what you call a skunk, it still stinks.
Wherever you are ..... be there !!!
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
He who can keep calm when all around are losing it, probably doesn't know the gravity of the situation.
There is a thin line between sanity and insanity. Every day I try to erase a little more of that line.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt
I miss my ex, but my aim is slowly improving.
Don't start vast projects with half-vast ideas.
"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still". I have found that to be so.
To explain to my children how poor we were when we got married, I used to tell them that, we started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is entirely optional. Remember, It's never too late to have a happy childhood!
There's no I in TEAM, but there is one in QUIT!
Listen to understand, not to reply.
You have two eyes, two ears, and one mouth. Use them proportionally
My favorite quotes come from RV and car salesmen saying "Trust Me I Know What I'm Talking About"..
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The graveyard is full of people, companies could not do without.
Close your mouth and open your eyes and ears and you just might learn something!
There is a time and a place for everything, now is not the time or the place.
You can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cant please all of the people all of the time
Buy land! their not making any more of it
The only person who doesn't make mistakes isn't doing anything
My buddies good luck saying is, drive crazy and don't where your seatbelts!
Want in one hand and poop in the other , see which one fills up first!
When asked how repairs went: well i cant turn a sows ear into a silk handbag!
If poop were a marketable commodity, the poor would be born without butts.
"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so." Ronald Reagan
"I intend to live forever ......... so far, so good"
Just when you figure out your father wasn't so stupid, you son thinks you are as stupid as your father was.
My first military lesson given to me from a retired Air Force Colonel in my Senior Year Book: "If you can move it, pick it up. If you can't move it, paint it. If it moves by itself, Salute it."
"5 out of 3 people suffer from dyslexia."
"Sometimes I get my Mords wixed up."
"Just washed my tongue and can't do thing with it."
(from an rv salesman) "Yeah your Tow Vehicle will tow that, no problem"
"If it is to be, it's up to ME!"
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result"
"You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust the sails!
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." -- Yogi Berra -
If I was perfect, I wouldn't be working HERE!
Everyone's entitled to one earthquake.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still lick the jar !
One I use when doing taxes during the season; don't worry about being audited. I'm dyslexia with Alzheimer's and have senior moments, the IRS will understand, so what did you say that deduction was??
His brain's so small, if ya stuck it up an ant's butt, it'd be like flickin' a BB into a boxcar.
One Goose to another ...... I've just been peopled
How come you have to pay attention? Why can't it be free?
Never say never, Just say, that will take a little longer.
I lost my Mother four years ago. The last words she said to me was - Don't worry, Son! They'll NEVER make the charges stick!
"Good decisions come from wisdom. Wisdom comes from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions."
Good workers are rewarded by additional responsibilities!
From my dad "Use your head for something besides keeping your ears from slapping together."
Better to be tried by twelve than carried by six.
Worrying is like making a fast get away on a rocking horse.
I don't always make popular decisions, but I usually make the right ones.
There is no such thing as "try" either you do or you don't.
I have "Irish Alzheimer's," I forget everything except the grudges.
"When I was a boy of fourteen my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But, when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years" - Mark Twain
"You've got to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything."
"A man never stands so tall as he does when he bends down to help."
"Everyone has to believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer"
A speaker at my son's high school graduation had this to say about finding a good job in life: "Find something that you like to do, and then figure out how to get paid for it."
In times of crisis,it it of utmost importance not to lose one's head. M. Antoinette
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you!
Life is hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.
To be considered OLD is achievable, being considered WISE is sometimes not.
"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
"If you haven't ever, you don't know"
"A man who owns an RV, needs no hobbies..."
I wanna know who was the first person to say - I'm gonna eat the next thing that falls outta' that chickens butt.
You'll never have hemorrhoids.
Don't let the door hit ya were the good Lord split ya!
My mother always said to me as a child - "If you had two heads, one would be lonely"
Stupid isn't a crime.
Since my squadron's job is to chase down the enemy and kill them ... our squadron motto is: "You can run but you'll only die tired".
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it in the first place.
If quizzes are for the quizzical, what are tests for??
Women, can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em!!
Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching!
"Just remember when you point a finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing at you"
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
"I'm not as good as I once was,but............ I'm as good once, as I ever was!"
My worst day camping is better than my best day working.
"You do your thing, and I'll do mine--and if by chance, we find each other, It's beautiful." (Fitz Perl)
Some women will arrive in heaven wearing a lovely size 7 dress and looking beautiful. ME--I'll roll in with chocolate in one hand and a glass of wine in the other and I'll say "Thank you Lord for a wonderful ride."
I can imagine a no more rewarding career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worth while, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction: "I served in the United States Navy." JFK
Never hit a man when he's down because he might get up!
By Yogi Berra:
"I really didn't say everything I said."
"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."
"It's deja vu all over again."
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"You can observe a lot by watching."
By Yogi Berra
"Always speak your mind, even if you shake"
"That's what you get for drinking out of strange toilets"
"Individually we're all quite intelligent, but collectively we can be very stupid".
"I'm taller than I appear" (5'5" tall here)
Sometimes the Dragon wins.
"The older I get, the faster I was"
I need the plans to your brains .... I'm building an idiot.
Would you rather have a frontal lobotomy ... or a lobotomy in the front of you?
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig
I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is, I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat - Rebbecca West 1913
My God - What if I'm *not* the main character???
"Never ascribe to malice, that which is adequately explained by incompetence." __Napoleon Bonaparte
"We're gonna need a bigger boat" -- Jaws "This is the perfect time to panic!" -- Toy Story
"Not anymore..." - Pink Panther (the scene where he destroys the "priceless Steinway")
"DO SOMETHING! Better than sitting worrying about whether it is right or wrong"
"It's better to remain quiet and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt"
"I wouldn't trade my luck for all the skill in the world"
"If my advice to you is no good, then neither is my money"
"If you follow my advice you don't need my money, If you don't follow my advice my money will do you no good."
"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." - General George S. Patton Jr.
Would the boy you were be proud of the man you've become?
"If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." - General George S. Patton Jr.
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach him to fish and he will go out and buy a funny hat
"Any day I can wake up and don't smell flowers and hear organ music is a good day to get out of bed" - George Burns
If I have learned anything in this life so far, one thing is certain. Morality is not only the domain of the religious, but being religious is no guarantee of morality.
"I'm being held in vagabondage. Do not rescue me."
"Never meddle in the affairs of wizards for they are subtle and quick to anger."
"Never meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and go good with ketchup."
"All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance."
Feel sorry for those of you who don't DRINK because when you wake up in the morning is the best you're going to feel all day. - FRANK SANATRA
Nine women can not make a baby in one month!
Anything's possible if the budgets high enough!
Murphy prevails!
"Some people draw conclusions without lead in their pencil."
If your not making waves; your not kicking hard enough.
Here are some of my fav's:
I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it. (Stephen Leacock)
If at first you don't succeed, find out if there's a prize for the loser.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use in being a fool about it.
Keep on going and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down. (Charles F. Kettering)
"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way." - Mark Twain
"No matter what they ask you to do, find something positive about the job and make the best of it."
"When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's sometimes hard to remember you came to drain the swamp!"
"Its a net loss. Lets go for it." -- Actual Statement from yesterdays meeting at work. Said in complete seriousness.
"Am I self-centered, or is it just ME?"
Bumper sticker: "If you can read this, I've lost my boat!"
"I wish I knew as much about somethings as my honored opponent seems to know about everything."--Benjamin Disraeli (PM of England under Queen Victoria)
I'm all right, the world's all wrong...
and my dad alway said to me "keep your nose clean"...
Always get married on a Friday. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole weekend--Mickey Rooney
Sex at my age is like shooting pool with a rope--George Burns
The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's all right with you--Woody Allen
I'm a tuxedo and the rest of the world is a pair of brown shoes. GEORGE GOBEL
"I wept because I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet".
My grandma would say this to us kids whenever we would accidentally pass gas; " You can't hold whats not in your hand"
Their is no I in team, but it has a ME in there!
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
I'm a pretty positive person, so for some reason I find cynical stuff funny.
"In a bet between you and the world, bet on the world."
A friend will be there to bail you out of whatever trouble you've gotten into, no questions. A TRUE friend will be sitting in the cell with you saying, "Yeah, but it was FUN!"
How about, "If you think this world is going to fast and people just don't care anymore. You're just like your dad, and his dad, and his dad."
"The problem with being better than everyone else is people tend to think you are pretentious."
"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it."
On the wall in my office. "Show me a man who cannot bother to do the little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted with the big things." Laurence Bell of Bell helicopters (who was afraid to fly)
A friend was trying to say he had a mind like a steel trap. Somehow being a sponge for info worked into his brain, and what suddenly came out was, "I've got a mind like a steel sponge." We still use it today.
Concerning a harrowing "shortcut." "If it was easy, it would be called 'the way'"
When someone is whining about something being hard. "If it was easy, anybody could do it."
A favorite of my fathers when asked if something was possible/going to be done/etc. "Has a cat got a climbing gear?"
Especially helpful for new employees having their first screwup. In a very calm manner, "Not an auspicious beginning"
On teamwork, "None of us is as dumb as all of us."
And my all time favorite that has helped through many a troubled time, "Anyone can hold the helm when the seas are calm."
My "single life" surfing mantra of 1 fin, 1 God, 1 country has been replaced by my married mantra of 1 wife, 1 kid, 1 mortgage.
Another one. My mother on church being full of Christians. "Being in the garage doesn't make you a car."
"Golf, a good walk ruined"
Whenever my dad would see a car or truck pulling a boat, he would say " there goes a mortgage pulling a mortgage". He would turn over in his grave if he would have seen my wife and I several years ago: returning from RV dealer with our first 5th wheel ... had to drive our car there since they had to have our pickup for a day to install hitch ... so ... coming back home .... we had a mortgage, pulling a mortgage, followed by a mortgage!!!
If I told you once, I've told you a million times .............. don't exaggerate!
When reporters asked repetitive questions, Lt. General Russel Honore said "Don't get stuck on stupid, reporters".
Man you look good in cheap clothes
"Procrastination On Your Part Does Not Constitute An Emergency On Mine"
To get me off my butt: "You're either regenerating or you're decaying!"
and to drill into my kids: "You're either making the world a better place to live in or you're making it a worse place to live in".
In reference to complaining about your job..."Always remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease." (It's also the first one to get replaced).
"Golf, a beautiful walk spoiled by a small, white ball."
A job worth doing, is a job worth doing right
For my smokin' friends - Cough in fits ...... coffin fits
I'm as busy as a one armed paper hanger...
My mother speaking of my brother's new wife: If he can sleep with her, we can eat with her!
The only thing you can count on is the fact, that you cant count on anything.
I always tell my kids before I spank them (This is going to hurt me worse than it will you)
Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more, you should never wish to do less.- Robert E. Lee
The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He can not only forgive; he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which imparts sufficient strength to let the past be put the past.- Robert E. Lee
No man in the wrong can stop a man in the right, if he keeps a comin"- Texas Ranger
No man's life, liberty or property are safe when the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain
The rich get richer and the poor get children.
Any male can be a father, but it takes a man to be a daddy.
"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there." Lewis Carroll
"Work hard, keep your mouth shut, and good things will happen" - George Perles, Pittsburgh Steelers, Michigan State University.
"Those that think they know me the best, don't really know me at all" I hope I'll always try to be the type of person my dog thinks I am.
"Today is a gift . . . that's why it's called the present."
One experiment is worth a thousand expert opinions
The word "Politics" was derived by the two words "Poli" (meaning more than one), and "Tics" (for blood suckers)!
Now let me start by saying... Good for you son! It's always good to see young people taking an interest in danger. Now a lot of people are going to be telling you you're crazy, and maybe they're right. But the fact of the matter is: Bones heal. Chicks dig scars. And the United States of America has the best doctor-to-daredevil ratio in the world! -- Captain Lance Murdoch
"What's behind me does not Matter", "its what's in front of me that scares the heebies jeebies out of me!",
"Why do RV manufactures put all the blind employee's in Quality Control"
One I learned while in the Army: "The maximum effective range of an excuse is 0.00 meters."
On a sign hanging over the military prosecutors desk: "Hang them all, if the rope breaks, they're innocent."
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane."
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In Loving Memory -
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name of Common Sense who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. It declined even further, when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims did. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still know him pass this on, if not join the majority and do nothing.
"lived here all your life?" ........" not yet."
EXPERT : definition: Ex as in "has been". Spurt as in "a big drip under pressure". ...." incontenance hot line ..... can you hold, please?"
You can't get there from here
"I've been busier than a cat coverin' up shit on a concrete driveway".
QUALITY is never an accident. It is always the direct result of High Intentions, Intelligent Direction and Skillful Execution.
You need not worry my love, dying would be the last thing I would EVER do!!"
"It's only money"
Every good and excellent thing stands moment by moment on the razors edge of danger, and must be fought for.
"Make it your goal to lead a quiet life, mind your own business and work with your hands."
Each person is responsible for their actions and will someday be held accountable for them
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
VEGETARIAN----- Old Indian word for poor hunter!
Although the early bird catches the worm, The early worm gets eaten.
She's never been the same since that house dropped on her sister.
Best predictor of can do is have done.
Best provider for old age is education.
Actions speak louder than words.
The only true substitute for brains is silence.
Don't tell me why it can't be done tell me how it will be done.
"It is what it is!"
"Gentlemen can disagree without being disagreeable."
"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral."
"One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills."
"Experience is a good teacher but the tuition is sometimes rather high.
"People say I have ADD, but I don't...Hey, look! A chicken!"
"You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape."
"There's no need to be afraid of strange noises in the night. Anything that intends you harm will stalk you silently."
"Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum." -Terry Pratchett
"Like everything else I do, this is a work in progress. The world is round... I'll get there"
"Rome wasn't burned in a day"
"Today was the Tomorrow you dreamt about Yesterday. What did you do with it?"
Mind like a steel trap. rusty and legal in 38 states.
"I'm diagonally parked in a parallel world"
F'ed up like a left handed football bat.
If at first you do not succeed, quit while you are ahead.
If it's stupid, but it worked, then it's not stupid.
Important things are never urgent and urgent things are rarely important.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking that created them.
For the military folks: If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Tracers work 2 ways.
Friendly fire isn't.
A herd of deer led by a lion is more fearful than a herd of lions led by a deer.
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist---" -- General John B. Sedgwick's dying words, 1864
She always said her feet were killing her. On headstone in Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Va
Some believe opportunity comes with privilege, but opportunity comes with choice and the choice is yours.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son..." That's one to live by!
"An argument with a fool is a battle of wits with an unarmed person"
Why do they call it Common Sense when so few people seem to have it?
"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way." -- Bokonon
"Some people are educated beyond their intelligence"
I've always been crazy but its kept me from going insane. Merl Haggard
Arguing with my wife is like rocking in a rocking chair .... it gives me something to do but I don't get anywhere.
Who wants to be perfect? ...Look what the did to the last perfect man!
I tell my kids.."you can stay mad or get glad"
Get your degree, make your own decisions, Don't get a degree, someone else will make your decisions for you.
Oh Yeah! I remember, I forgot.
I arrived late for a gathering of friends many years ago, when I saw one of my closest friends (who had obviously made several trips to the bar). I ask him how he was feeling, he just smile and said "I feel more like I do now, than I did when I got here."
"The best things in life are what awaits you at the end of the day"
Once a job you have begun, never leave it 'till it's done. Be the labor great or small, do it well or not at all.
My Drill Instructor: "Do the right thing, not because you have to, because it is the right thing to do."
A former subordinate: "Good 'nough for the girls we go wit'."
"Every Expert was once a Beginner"
"If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you"
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
He who dares not offend cannot be honest. -- Thomas Paine
If a man can't pee in his own front yard --- he is living too close to town.
Sorry, my karma just ran over your dogma!
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"
"When in trouble; when in doubt; run in circles; scream & shout."
"When we put our minds together, we can usually come up with one"-- The Great Archiebunk
The situation is hopeless, but not serious.
A friend of mine who is a nurse stated that she just got back from a health fair that she "had to volunteer for".
Woman to preacher" If I was your wife I'd poison you! Preacher to Woman" If I was your husband I'd take it"
Original "I come from a long line of hard heads"
From my Mother "Can't(pronounced caint) ain't never did nothing"
"I home school three children, and am expecting a forth!"
At work we called into a local restaurant to order a whole pie. When the waitress o the phone asked if we wanted it cut, my good friend Crambo said yes. The waitress then asked if we wanted it cut into six or eight pieces. Crambo replied, "Oh honey, cut it into six. I don't think I can eat eight!"
Eat healthy, exercise ........... die anyway!
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
"They can kill you but they can't eat you"
"You can do what you want to do if you want to do it bad enough."
"It is a great life if you don't weaken"
Common sense ain't all that common (Dorthy Lovett, 75 year old multi-millionaire who didn't learn to read until she was 60 and made money the old fashion way: spent less than she earned, and bought property with it!).
Attributed to Abagail Adams: He chews more than he can bite off.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see...
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn ... that was fun!"
"It's not what you know that counts, it's what other people think you know"
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky
"God gave us two ears and one mouth. Clearly, He intended us to listen twice as much as we talk."
Do unto others as they would do unto you.... Only do it first!
Short time young and a long time old !
A fine is a tax for doing wrong! A tax is a fine for doing good!
Never match wits with an unarmed person.
Its hard to see the picture when you're inside the frame.
How can I soar with eagles? When I work with a bunch of turkeys.
Their are two kinds of people. People who ride motorcycles . And people who used to ride motorcycles ............ Until that big crash.
If it was easy they'd get a girl to do it.
Sorry I have attention defic ......Hey look something shiny!
Don't bring a squirt gun to a gun fight.
Life is pain, and I'm a glutton for punishment.
Get busy living or get busy die-ing.
Welcome to California take someone with you when you leave.
You know things are bad when you can't get the top off the bottom of the barrel.
"I don't give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it is hell." Harry Truman
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! Abraham Lincoln, Address to the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society, Milwaukee, WI, September 30, 1859
Referring to someone with an inflated opinion of themselves; If you could buy him for what he's worth and then sell him for what he thinks he's worth, you would be a millionaire!
Blessed are those that go in circles, for they shall be known as "big Wheels"
Eagles may Soar, but Lions don't get sucked into Jet Engines.
The FIRST rule of holes states "When in One - - STOP DIGGING"
Everybody going faster than me is a "Maniac". Everybody going slower than me is a "Idiot". Don't they know I'M going the right speed
Moto Cross fans take note. "Took a fourth gear jump in fifth gear" said from Hosp. bed.
My dad used to tell me "go to school and stay till you are through. If they can make penicillin out of moldy cheese they can make something out of you".
He also told people that "you don't have to pay Bob to be good. He is good for nothing".
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The early bird that gets the worm, usually works for the man who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
Redd Foxx once said, " Marry an ugly woman, young fella. That way when she leaves you, you'll be happy!"
"It isn't what you don't know that hurts you, it's the things you know for certain that just ain't so." Mark Twain, Josh Bilings, Will Rogers, Satchel Paige, et al
"A man and woman can never get along because they both want different things. The man wants a woman and the woman want a man."
Don't look back - Something might be gaining on you - Satchel Page
Or in other words - There is no decision you will ever make that you will not later question
It is irrational to expect a rational explanation for a irrational act
NO BRAINS - NO HEAD ACHES
"Work hard, keep your mouth shut, and good things will happen". George Perles: Head football Coach, Michigan State Spartans, Pittsburgh Steelers.
Eatin' makes me sleepy! Sleepin' makes me hungry! What a life! - Garfield
My wife tells people "I'd divorce him, but I wouldn't want him to be that happy"
My contractor father-in-law, to clients who stood over him and his crews everyday during a HUGE remodel project: "Sure we got here a little late, but we will leave early to make up for it".
Nothing to it, but to do it.
We do things by one of two reasons Inspiration or Desperation.
I wish nothing bad, but I hope a wagon comes down your rut.
If you aim at nothing your bound to hit it
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
"You live longer if your married". Some say it just seems that way.
"He who angers you controls you!"
Involvement and Commitment are like ham and eggs - the chicken is involved; the pig is committed!
Asking directions won't get you back to the "Road Not Taken"!
"Ionic Pro... We're Not Happy, Until YOU'RE NOT HAPPY!"
Isn`t it sad. that after it`s all said and done, that more was said than done
Life Is A Journey Not A Destination.
People like you that think they know it all, do nothing but get in the way of those of us that do
If at first you don't suck seed , keep sucking until you finally do suck seed.
"If people really focused on the important things in life, there would be a shortage of fishin poles"
"For some there is therapy, for me there is RV'ing"
You are what you repeatedly do, Excellence is not an act but a habit.
Necessity is the mother of invention, but laziness is the father.
From my father when I was hesitant to take out the trash..." I can't make you do it, but I can make you wish you had done it"
From my father after a big holiday meal: "I wish I had a second stomach so I could eat that much again!"
"There are a lot of people with a photographic memory. However, most of them are out of film."
Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
"When we are young we spend our time making money. When we get old we spend our money making time."
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - Arthur C. Clarke